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Dear Lovehacker, I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and things have gotten serious to the point where we discuss marriage. I love him and think we would make great partners in life. He is caring, patient, smart and enjoys the same dorky things I do. But there is one attribute that I am struggling with. I have slowly learned that he has a fetish for very long hair. I myself have always had long hair, or so I thought mid-back. Soon I started noticing his obsession with watching online videos and following women on Instagram with extremely long hair. I am in my late 20s. I thought at this point in my life I had dealt with all my body image issues.
Suddenly I feel like an awkward teenager again and ashamed of my physical features. Sure, hair grows, but the idea of having to change myself for a man makes me feel gross. I worry about him possibly messaging them, maybe even meeting up with the local ones. This makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hate the feeling of jealousy. When I get the thought to look at his phone I have to slap it out of my brain. I know, the problem is in my head. He has a fetish. I know he chose to date me and so that means he should like me, right?
I feel gross in so many ways and not just about my looks but about how I am acting. What do I do? Is this something I can learn to accept? Do I save both of us the trouble and end it so he can find someone with the features he likes and I can find someone who likes me the way I am? Am I just crazy? Regards, Not the Fetish. Before I get into this, I feel like I need to define some terms. Sexual fetishes tend to be a sexual response to an otherwise non-sexual object or body part.
Fetishes differ from a preference in that someone with a fetish usually requires that object or part to become aroused or to actually orgasm. It helps maintain and balance the sexual compatibility between partners. Dressing a little differently because you know they like how you look in this particular type of outfit? Not exactly a huge ask or a betrayal of your true self. Simple maintenance — keeping it clean and free of tangles — is already a pretty ificant time-sink, doubly so if you need to blow-dry it. It demands a pretty ificant commitment from the person growing their hair out.
Maybe you could get a Rapunzel-esque wig and wear it on occasion? But this part of your letter leapt out at me:. Collecting videos and pictures of his fetish is pretty normal behaviour. A low libido or erectile dysfunction caused by medication is also fairly common; SSRIs are especially infamous for killing your sex drive deader than the dodo.
But once is happenstance, twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action cause for concern. So I think you need to sit down and have a long, serious talk with him about this. Maybe he can talk with his doctor about finding medication without those sexual side-effects. Lovehacker is a weekly relationship and sex column where our resident Agony Aunt answers your questions. Need help? Drop a comment below or [ protected]. This story originally appeared on Kotaku. Username or Address. Remember Me. First Name. Last Name. Display Name. Adress. Repeat Password. Gizmodo Newsletter. Kotaku Newsletter.
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Lovehacker: My Boyfriend’s Hair Fetish Is Tearing Me Apart